Cracks in the wall.
May 3, 2011 § Leave a comment
Jette has been very cynical about the wedding. I showed her the few photographs I took of my beautiful friends being married in an ancient pagan way, in a wild place, and she has turned up her nose, and sniffed, and declared to me that marriage, even that which is most unconventional, is ‘bourgeois’.
Now, this is making me quite angry. I do believe that marriage is a wonderful thing, the pledging of shared lives, love sealed with a kiss before the world. Even Picasso was married three times, and prince of bohemians Modigliani took his tragic muse Jeanne as his common-law wife. I am telling her this with a shrug. I am not ashamed to say that I often do not like Jette very much – she is keen to pounce upon the things she cannot have or understand and declare them silly and worthless, without knowing so much about them. Perhaps she is simply never wanting to get married herself, perhaps she would love to but does not think she will ever find the person and this makes her bitter and venomous as a little snake in a clenched fist. I do not know.
Then, she flies into a rage because she has bought some jeans from the internet, and they have sent the wrong size again, so she will have to post them back and fill out forms and wait. I am clutching the photo of my smiling friends in my hand as she talks, and feel the childish impulse building within me. I stop her, I spit hypocrite, saying that buying expensive jeans online is much more bourgeois than marriage, and that maybe the universe is telling her she does not need so many clothes. So now she is not speaking to me.